You know when you start a new relationship and you always want to know what the other person is doing and be with them all the time? Well imagine basically falling in love instantly upon starting to date the person; those feelings get magnified times a thousand.
My summer had been a hella big lunch bag letdown until I met Ryan. I had pretty much become so jaded about men and having my heartbroken so many times I had accepted that maybe not everyone was meant to find another person to share their life with. I convinced myself I was totally ok with becoming a crazy dog lady, who would have more time to paint by herself, and could live a simple single life with more room for bikinis and shoes. People had always said it, but it really is true that love creeps up on you when you least expect it. A man would slow me down I thought. Being in a bit of a career transition/quarter-life crisis, yearning to get the hell outta Dodge, the last thing I thought I wanted was a paper weight holding me back. But sometimes as much as you resist it, things fall into place and to use a “Coyote Ugly” reference “you can’t fight the moonlight.”
Bam! Just like that my summer went from the worst ever (the seemingly imminent ice age and lack of warmth didn’t help) to totally euphoric and exciting. Ryan and I are so similar it is uncanny, our ESP is all too real and we share the same weirdness, tallness, music taste, athletic inclinations, but most importantly ambitions and dreams. Instead of holding me back from my dreams, he helps me stay motivated towards them and breaks things down, assists me and makes aspirations seem manageable. I try my best to return the favour.
Up until this past weekend we had been inseparable. Having not slept apart in weeks and organized our lives around doing things together, being away from each other seemed wrong. So deciding whether to go on my family reunion trip to Connecticut was extremely difficult (I’m a terribly indecisive libra). Not only would I be missing the end of the Toronto International Film Festival, but my old insecurities reared their ugly head and I worried being away from Ryan, even for a weekend may lead him to be unfaithful. Indecision is certainly my biggest character flaw. I overthink everything and many signs kept telling me to stay in the city (free spa treatments for TIFF, final summer parties and upon arriving in Redding learning I had won tickets to the Blue Jays game and VIP beach festival tickets: a seemingly perfect Saturday date day for which I would not be able to take advantage). But now as I return home, I realize the time away only made me appreciate Ryan more. Connecticut and my family’s beautiful estate are incredibly romantic and I found myself thinking of Ryan, but instead of being sad, I looked forward to future times with family that he would hopefully be a part of. Ryan could not have been more sweet and reassuring, even from afar, laying my insecurities to rest. I got the chance to be generous with the tickets I had won, and despite previous long distance relationships, I learned the meaning of “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
As I packed up to leave, I looked at my favourite photograph of the two of us. Though he is the one sporting the jersey, I am the one in the USA, missing him.
The photograph was taken before Veld Music Festival, where my summer really took a turn for the better. My entire outfit is from the “Designer Closet” by Billabong, with Rose-Coloured Glasses by Aldo Accessories and my beloved fringe bag is from Urban Outfitters.